Yesterday, Kyren Paris (1-for-3, 2 RBIs) hit his third homer. On the worst, a scorching schmotato. At the perfect, he’s internet hosting the final Olympics in his mind and we’re all Raygun. At most reasonable, he’ll be scorching for a couple of weeks till groups determine him out. On the most illuminating, I simply realized Gaylord Perry was like saying, “Homosexual paree,” casually. At his most fact-based, Kyren Paris is a 23-year-old with 50-steal velocity on a group that can run lots. He additionally hit 14 HRs in Double-A, so the facility may not be fully absurd. He’s making good contact proper now, however his minor league numbers say that’ll finish and he hit .167 within the minors, so, I don’t know, that’s terrible. At his most fantasy-based, he must be picked up in all leagues till he falls off, which seems doubtless, however perhaps not eminent. Or as Paris would say, “Voila!” Anyway, right here’s what else I noticed yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jonny DeLuca – Anticipated to overlook two to 4 weeks with a shoulder pressure. Don’t be mad, son; be Mangum.
Junior Caminero – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. 29 extra and we good, Junior, mentioned like Tony Soprano.
Shane Baz – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.38. He’s so nasty. I’m speaking about his bizarre frosted facial hair. He’s additionally nasty along with his pitches.
Zac Veen – 1-for-4 as he was recalled from Triple-A Al Albuquerque. Simply gave you my Zac Veen fantasy.
Brenton Doyle – 1-for-3 and a slam (2) and legs (1). He jogged my memory of Brenda from 90210 and that jogged my memory that Shannen Doherty is lifeless. Gosh, Brenton, cease bumming me out.
Freddy Peralta – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.00. Escaped Coors with my shirt, now watch him go vs. the White Sox and quit, like, 17 ER.
Christian Yelich – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer. William Contreras (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 1st homer and Brice Turang (1-for-4, third homer) has a success in each sport. 162-game hitting streak can be a file. Simply placing it on the market.
Sean Murphy – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer as he was activated from the IL. You gotta love when a man returns for the first sport of the week for his group so that you don’t miss a homer in your IL taking place on Sunday in a weekly league, proper? That’s wonderful. We must always have a glossary time period for that. Counsel within the feedback.
Chris Sale – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.75 vs. Zack Wheeler – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.44. Ought to’ve been a two-sided, double gorge hump day like Jennifer Connelly in Requiem, ended up a flippin’ mess. Additionally, I learn about Johan Rojas letting a double drop in entrance of him. How was that not an error? As a result of he didn’t contact? Are you kidding? Can scorer’s not suppose independently?
Kyle Schwarber – 3-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his fifth homer, and a double wanting the cycle. What’s much more enjoyable? He’s hitting cleanup!
George Springer – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer. Obtained off to a pleasant begin this season. He’ll be horrible by Might. No, no maybes. That is an absolute.
Easton Lucas – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 0.00 in 10 1/3 IP. So, Jays can solely produce good starters for his or her first 12 months within the majors? The extra random the higher? Lucas seems to be a Quad-A participant who’s throwing lights-out baseball proper now. It is mindless, and I don’t belief it, however I’d doubtless stream him till he really is dangerous vs. trying dangerous on paper.
Jackson Merrill – Hit the IL with a hamstring harm. Sounds minor, which I say into the mirror and my reflection says, “Does that make it higher?”
Fernando Tatis Jr. – Left the sport after tweaking his shoulder. Shildt mentioned, “All the things appears intact.” That’s both oddly reassuring or not, and I’m undecided which.
Dylan Stop – 4 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 7.98. What’s one other phrase for “make the ache cease?” Wait, I do know, Stop!
Manny Machado – 1-for-5 and his 1st homer. I’m nonetheless in a “Stop ruined my life along with his begin” rage, I would like to maneuver on.
JJ Bleday – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. “Yeah, that’s wonderful, you’ll be able to decrease him into the velociraptor cage–Wait! Maintain on! Bleday moved! He’s alive!”
Jeffrey Springs – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.20. Good begin however I’m at the moment extra afraid of Bing Bong Stadium in SacTown than I’m of Coors.
Clay Holmes – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.30. This was his greatest begin of the 12 months. It was towards the MIA Marlins and residential and never really that good.
Francisco Lindor – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. That leaves Gunnar Henderson because the final remaining 1st spherical choose and not using a dwelling run. However who’s counting?! Haha! [begins reading The Bell Jar, sticks head in oven]
Derek Hill – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. A catch he made later within the sport was the true spotlight of his day. Although, I’m undecided why he was taking part in to this point in. Although, Half 2: One other One Of Thoughs, I suppose simply take pleasure in it.
James Wooden – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and his third and 4th homer, and 2nd and third homer in previous two video games. Within the title of our Lord, Brad, please let Wooden be #1 Breakout King!
Cole Ragans – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.81. Why was he being drafted two to a few rounds after Skenes? Is he actually that a lot worse?
Pablo Lopez – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.62, however left the sport with a sore hammy. Seems like he stole Kermit’s girl.
Paul Skenes – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.44. Critically, Ragans is that a lot worse?
Bryan Reynolds – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. He makes it appear really easy, however perhaps I simply occur to be his largest fan.
Willson Contreras – 0-for-4, hitting .093. Put Kris Bryant, Javier Baez and Willson Contreras on the identical group and so they break a 100+ 12 months World Sequence curse. Separate, they’re making nuns curse.
Sonny Grey – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.50. Gained’t even discuss how underrated Grey is. Him Grey, however him Gray too, now that I give it some thought.
Ben Vigorous – 5 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 3 walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.40. Take that Justin Baldoni!
Shane Smith – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.54. Tremendous small pattern — that’s what she mentioned derisively! — however a 7 Ok/9, 3.9 BB/9 is simply not good, and even when the pattern measurement was 5 IP as an alternative of 11 IP, I simply don’t suppose an amazing pitcher can be that poor. Streamonator hates him too, and I don’t see the purpose.
Zach Eflin – Shut down with a lat pressure. Jared Jones had a lat pressure final 12 months and missed six weeks. Hopefully, Eflin doesn’t have Jones’s lat. Or UCL.
Corbin Carroll – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 4th homer. If he goes 40/70 whereas not being on any of my groups, I’ll lose my shizz. Greater than already.
Framber Valdez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.50 vs. Luis Castillo – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.12. This matchup was billed as, “Neither of those groups have hitting and so they’re within the MLB-worst hitters’ park. Go determine.”
Victor Robles – Out for 12 weeks with a fractured shoulder. Wooooooooo…[climbs to the top of the Space Needle]…ooooooooof.
Josh Jung – 3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI as he was activated from the IL. Yesterday, Josh H. Smith (1-for-3, 2 runs) acquired the beginning too, which is fascinating, however Burger’s not going to take a seat out indefinitely, with out us getting botulism.
Wyatt Langford – 2-for-4 and his 4th homer, and left the sport after putting out. He has a sore aspect, and he had an indirect pressure within the spring. Did Jung contact his indirect?
Dansby Swanson – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (2). Seems to be headed for a kind of 25-homer seasons he has and never a kind of 16-homer seasons he simply had.
Jameson Taillon – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 6.06. Six innings, six baserunners, six Ks [raises crucifix to player page] Oh, 6.06 ERA. Thank God. Streamonator cherished this begin, hates his subsequent one, i.e., transfer on.
Matt McLain – Hit the IL, however in fact. With out the IL, he’d be Mcan. Clearly, he Mcan’t.
Noelvi Marte – Known as up by the Reds (with Will Benson). I don’t know his (their) taking part in time. Might Noelvi Marte lastly make good on his promise? If there’s taking part in time, I suppose. And if he’s good lastly. If ands and buts have been sweet and nuts, I’d be a diabetic squirrel. In Triple-A, Noelvi was hitting .353 with a .414 BABIP and 15 Ok%. The Ok% is fascinating, he was putting out much more within the minors in prior seasons. Perhaps he did unlock one thing. Perhaps he’s a Quad-A participant and gained’t have any taking part in time. Guess you’ll be able to seize him, but it surely’s too quickly to know the way that is taking part in out.
Nick Lodolo – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 0.96. Simply fairly, fairly please keep wholesome.
Landen Roupp – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.60. Seeing my group with Roupp, Mize, Vigorous, Sonny Grey and this flaming bag of poop the place Dylan Stop was. Roupp will get the Phils subsequent trip in Philly, and he hasn’t reached the interior circle of belief but for that.
Cody Bellinger – Out with meals poisoning. Thinks it was some wings he had. I don’t like post-Beatles McCartney both, however rattling.
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— Razzball (@razzball.bsky.social) April 8, 2025 at 8:56 AM
Tarik Skubal – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.78. Ever discover how aces have, like, a 5+ ERA sooner or later then it’s underneath 4? That’s dishonest.
Jake Rogers – Hit the IL with indirect tightness. It’s my aspect! [slapped across the face] It’s my ribs! [slapped across the face] It’s my aspect! [slapped across the face] Overlook it, Jake, it’s indirect tightness. Me and fellow Dillon Dingler fan membership members are thrilled. Yow will discover us at Tigers video games dressed as poop emojis. We’re the Dingler’s Danglers. We pester with our dangles! You cling one? We cling ’em all! Watch our danglers! You’ve been banged by the Dingler! The chants reverberated. It was lovely.
Kerry Carpenter – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer. Additionally, on this sport, Zach McKinstry (2-for-3, 2 RBIs) hit his 1st homer; Spencer Torkelson (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his third homer, and Dillon Dingler (2-for-3) hit his 2nd homer. We pester with our dangles! You cling one? We cling ’em all! Watch our danglers! You’ve been banged by the Dingler!
